well

i think it’s official that i’ve cycled through and out of what homo capensis likes to call narc abuse and/or narc family system.

i’m sorry but i’m an adult and i don’t HAVE to deal with this bullshit. i don’t have to explain myself or justify anything. i’m quite tired of speaking.

i am going to do whatever i want. and if these inverted smooth brains feel the need to exact some time of revenge or actual assault on my well being and/or peace of mind, so be it. it’d probably be a good idea to get some kind of representation or something? who knows what’s even available without consequences or some “catch” for someone in my situation.

i need some nice weather and to spend some time alone. it’s so hard when you have a old insecure control freak cvnt who only real effort towards anything in life is manipulating and maintenance towards what her simps think about her. f that.

is it distrubing to me? yes, it was.

is it sad? no. it was, it hurt, i was jarred and shocked but these are adults, this is what they choose and want. to make matters worse, i am being gas lighted and the blame for crap i don’t even understand is being shifted onto me, as a “defense” mechanism.

i sort of knew what was going on, and i brought it up. i just couldn’t acept it becausee it’s a pretty hufe and disastrous charge to lay against someone, and not even just one person, but a whole system of enabling and capitalizing and supply, so it was a lot. but now there can be no question.

if i am to be isolated, if i am to be judged, then let it be on a battefield. you can’t lock me down or shove me off and then sit sip the tea and put me down behind my back. do it to my face. own it. you can hate me, you can love yourself above anything else, you can despise my voice, but that is a declaration of war. and i will not lay down to you.

how can i respect people that act like this? how can i mourn relationships that never came to be because these retards are smooth brains and cant have actual meaningful relationships?

the irony of things is pretty entertaining tbh. that’s really all i can extract from this at this point. it reminds me of that one symbol …

where everything is coming at or our at all times, from one point.

how ignorant, how selfish, how childish, how hateful, how disingenuous, how arrogant, how confident, how underhanded, how greedy. ugh.

my grandmother acts without thinking, preys or picks on vulnerability. she creates drama as a show of your loyalty, everything is about control. her only maintenance is her vibe. its incredible. i’m done feeling anything about this. how lucky am i, one those rare people in life that’s allowed to focus on me. explore anything i want, learn about anything, if i want to study language, if i want to practice a meditational martial art in the backyard in a sasquatch costume, i can.

i’ve learned so much about myself since i have been here. so much has resolved itself and sloughed off of me. i hate conflict, i hate arguing and i hate drama. i loathe tension and subjugation. its not my issue is that these idiots dont appreciate that. its not my issue if these idiots cant function at a higher level than autopilot. i didnt ask to come up here, because i knew how things would be. i did this for her.