also

this sort of inc3stual dynamic within my family is disgustiing. i was thinking about how my g ma defended my uncle losing a job he worked at for 30 years, like why are you defending him firstly and second, the context was like, oh he’s less stressed out, that was the greatest thing that could’ve happened, when the truth was my point was fck a job bc look at things, look how these people worked here or there for so long then got shitcanned, etc then citing specific cases and she feels she has to defend my uncle etc. i realize why my father is the way he is and i feel so bad for him. hes a loner, lone wolf treated like shit by his parents and escaped and compartmentalized everything so he wont have to experience and conscious distrubance from it again. like they talk so much shit about him, like did anyone ever wonder why he did drugs? drugs arent for pussies, they’re a reprieve from a stress greater that they cause or a rush from the bore of what a person already is. either way, it’s not for cowards. my father is not a coward, he’s just a p.o.s. they are cowards and barely successful normies. spineless. i really truly dont want to do this, go to this “hang out” i dont know what to call it. i guess all i can do is be strong and smart and not sink. maybe take my ear buds too